To Die For

Your weekend’s almost over and you want to head off Monday morning blues with an all-the-rage, no-stress remedy? Here’s how.

What: Slunch with a twist

Where: Ours

When: This coming Sunday

Time: 5.00pm onwards

Dress: Casual chic (as usual)

Ambiance: chill-out

Brunch is not démodé. This is its alternative! Looking forward to seeing you all, chéris!

Start with the sweet and work your way backwards. The theme, because themes are always such fun, is to raise awareness.

The sweet.  To whet your appetites, mes chéris, to whet your appetites!

Red Velvet Gateau.

Isn’t it a marvel?

The extra dark chocolate.

The deep strawberry-red.

What a delight! How original!

And the buttercream.

Simply melts in your mouth!

We thought the cake should be shaped like a torso. A woman’s torso! And, yes, why not a Black African woman’s torso, for this dark, ugly thing happens down there—in Dark Africa! Were you aware of it?

Yes, mmmm.

The cake is absolutely delicious!

So moist,

So luscious,

To die for.

And the chocolate!

So dark, so bitter.

Perfect.

No words to describe

The buttercream!

So sinfully rich.

Exquisite?

For the savoury, we hesitated between tripe—we have a great tripe-cooked-in-cider recipe—and pasta, didn’t we, chéri? We settled for

Spaghettini bolognese,

Finesse oblige.

Also

Crudités,

With accompanying dips.

Of course you can have

A bit

Of everything.

Spaghettini makes you think of hair strands? Well.... Why not? Actually, how clever, ma chérie, how clever! That’s ... umm ... so much in line with our awareness theme. Lovely.

Of course we didn’t forget—the wine!

Burgundy red.

Organic.

Dry and lean.

Tart.

Prickling the palate.

Piquant.

Bolognese sauce. We love it hot and spicy. You do, too? Oh lovely! Goes well with the wine, doesn’t it? A burgundy, smooth as velvet.

Zaz found it rather harsh. Angular, she said it was. It lacked finesse, had an unpleasant finish. She also read too much into the dessert. It’s only cake, for heaven’s sake! Amazing how someone so with-it can display such flashes of ignorance!

Ah, Zaz! There you are, chérie! We were just talking about the mar-vellous wine! Did you know that it is organic? It is also rated very highly by the Consumer’s Guide to Fine Wines.

Listen up, everyone!

The dips are home-made—

No preservatives,

No artificial colouring,

All natural!

Guacamole,

Chilli cream cheese,

and

Hummus!

Don’t be put off by the dip here.

It’s only tapenade.

Black olives,

Capers and

Lemon juice—

For the tang!

I know the colour—so black!—is not that appealing. But tapenade is so français!  Give it a try, mes chéris. You’ll love it, I’m sure. It has a touch of brandy, too! But if you prefer, there are

Stuffed olives.

Pickled too,

For the bite!

They are nice.

Round.

Firm.

The flavours burst in your mouth!

Oh! What’s going on? He’s choking over a stuffed olive. Slap him on the back! He can’t breathe. Heimlich manoeuvre! He’s gasping for breath. Chéri! Chéri! Call 112.

Choking over a stuffed olive?

What a shame.

Can hardly breathe?

Shame.

Eat me.

And do not resuscitate.

(Weaving alongside P. Muthoni and W. Mwangi)